Breaking News:

Population plummets by 2 residents

Recent Headlines

Venango County Overtakes Franklin, Regains Lost Territory

Minutes ago, Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County military successfully executed an operation that ensured the repossession of their lost industrial City of Franklin. According to reports by President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America, special ops armed with spitball launchers and 4th of July poppers were able to eradicate one of the Elk Empire's highest ranking leaders. Blunders is now standing before the press gloating of the success. "Caribou Buckar Wapiti

Seven New Ventures Coming to Oil City

A new chapter is about to begin in the story of Oil City's revival. Not one birthed from cliche visions observed in prior civilizations. But one with variety and an appeal to popular demand. Where lights illuminating from the ugliest bridge have drawn some as far as the Main Street Program, and an overpriced fountain as many as can afford a dime for a wish, more projects are in the making that will ensure security for the future of what has become the pride of everyone preten

Fart Comes Clean About "Loud Boom"

Jammal Fart, Cranberry's only mall cop, has come forward to confess his role in the loud boom. This came one week after the incident which shook Franklin, and almost collapsed Oil City's Northside properties. The Derrick reported the incident as an unresolved investigation last Saturday. As of today, Fart has turned himself into the police revealing that he was the one who caused the loud boom. Jammal Fart coming clean Before we continue, we can explain the unusual change in

General News

Venango County Overtakes Franklin, Regains Lost Territory

Minutes ago, Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County military successfully executed an operation that ensured the repossession of their lost industrial City of Franklin. According to reports by President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America, special ops armed with spitball launchers and 4th of July poppers were able to eradicate one of the Elk Empire's highest ranking leaders. Blunders is now standing before the press gloating of the success. "Caribou Buckar Wapiti

Seven New Ventures Coming to Oil City

A new chapter is about to begin in the story of Oil City's revival. Not one birthed from cliche visions observed in prior civilizations. But one with variety and an appeal to popular demand. Where lights illuminating from the ugliest bridge have drawn some as far as the Main Street Program, and an overpriced fountain as many as can afford a dime for a wish, more projects are in the making that will ensure security for the future of what has become the pride of everyone preten

Fart Comes Clean About "Loud Boom"

Jammal Fart, Cranberry's only mall cop, has come forward to confess his role in the loud boom. This came one week after the incident which shook Franklin, and almost collapsed Oil City's Northside properties. The Derrick reported the incident as an unresolved investigation last Saturday. As of today, Fart has turned himself into the police revealing that he was the one who caused the loud boom. Jammal Fart coming clean Before we continue, we can explain the unusual change in

Politics

Venango County Overtakes Franklin, Regains Lost Territory

Minutes ago, Laurel and Hardy of the Venango County military successfully executed an operation that ensured the repossession of their lost industrial City of Franklin. According to reports by President Mayor Blunders of the Venango States of America, special ops armed with spitball launchers and 4th of July poppers were able to eradicate one of the Elk Empire's highest ranking leaders. Blunders is now standing before the press gloating of the success. "Caribou Buckar Wapiti

Massive Cave In Sinks Cranberry Mall

A campaign has begun to overthrow the Elk Empire through massive operations never before seen. As Venango County troops march toward Franklin heavily armed with spitballs and muffin hand grenades, Jefferson County's military is taking combat beneath the Earth. An elite force known as Tunnel Hogs have been working tirelessly in a top secret campaign to cave in the entirety of Cranberry. This came after Elk County successfully reduced Venango to the size of Oil City. With Mayor

Mount Washington Goes Missing: Allegheny Blames Washington County

A new controversy has risen, putting the treaty between Washington and Allegheny County at risk. President Mayor George Washington of Washington, capital of Washington County, is being accused by Mayor Steelhead of stealing Mount Washington. On the south side of Pittsburgh, the mountain has officially gone missing. Mayor Steelhead on the left, Mayor George Washington on the right. The sudden absence of the mountain was noticed this morning when residents noted it was not ther

Opinion

Seven New Ventures Coming to Oil City

A new chapter is about to begin in the story of Oil City's revival. Not one birthed from cliche visions observed in prior civilizations. But one with variety and an appeal to popular demand. Where lights illuminating from the ugliest bridge have drawn some as far as the Main Street Program, and an overpriced fountain as many as can afford a dime for a wish, more projects are in the making that will ensure security for the future of what has become the pride of everyone preten

Locals Think Meghans Law Has One Kind of Person

Trust and goodness are not the same thing. But for some reason, when you propose the idea of doing good to someone who least deserves it, the words traveling to a listener's ear magically evolve to form the phrase "be dumb and risk having them around your child." I don't know why people hear more words than what are initially stated. It's like we anticipate additional meaning to what is actually implied and feel emboldened to crush potential arguments before they are presente

Top 10 Things to Do in Crawford County

The sudden fall to the Zugnar Alliance has many disappointed that Erie will no longer be known as an independent county. With fears about Elk County continuing their campaign to rule over all of Western Pennsylvania, many are wondering when County War 1 will finally be over. We here at the Venango Republic prefer to look at the bright side of things. For one, Elk County's decision to entrust East Crawford with rulership over Erie means that Crawford now has more to offer than

Sports

City Fails to Balance the Budget After Parking Meter Malfunction

A parking meter malfunction has drastically impacted Venango County and its capital of Oil City, with a temporary police order preventing people from using the space. According to sources, the meter, located just outside of the Venango County Museum on Seneca Street, has disappeared completely, with what experts are saying is an intentional removal for maintenance. The sign became visible to the public at about 3 p.m. Thursday afternoon. Shortly thereafter, the Oil City stock

How Having a Hay-Bale Tossing Champion Might Advantage the Steelers

A report by the Beaver County Times states that the Steelers’ third-round draft pick is apparently a two-year hay-bale tossing champion. Gennings Dunker, who looks like he was birthed 50 years ago and came here in a time portal, competed in hay-bale tossing competitions for two consecutive years while attending the University of Iowa. We would tell you more, but the article requires a subscription after two paragraphs. We aren’t willing to pay. What we are willing to do is di

City of Erie Strives to Be Like Jesus According to Homicide Stats

2026 Erie is falling behind in the box score of homicide victims when weighed against previous years. According to data analysts, the city hasn't scored once in the competition, forcing locals to look at the brighter side. When counting higher death tolls as a winning objective, 2025 Erie is up 2-0 in the first quarter. However, when observing the stats like a golf match, 2026 Erie looks more like the son of God. According to experts at Edinburgh University, one's perception

Entertainment

Seven New Ventures Coming to Oil City

A new chapter is about to begin in the story of Oil City's revival. Not one birthed from cliche visions observed in prior civilizations. But one with variety and an appeal to popular demand. Where lights illuminating from the ugliest bridge have drawn some as far as the Main Street Program, and an overpriced fountain as many as can afford a dime for a wish, more projects are in the making that will ensure security for the future of what has become the pride of everyone preten

Top 10 Things to Do in Crawford County

The sudden fall to the Zugnar Alliance has many disappointed that Erie will no longer be known as an independent county. With fears about Elk County continuing their campaign to rule over all of Western Pennsylvania, many are wondering when County War 1 will finally be over. We here at the Venango Republic prefer to look at the bright side of things. For one, Elk County's decision to entrust East Crawford with rulership over Erie means that Crawford now has more to offer than

Erie Residents Encouraged to Enjoy Looking Through Windows While They Still Can

A recent trend of breaking local laws has one business in danger of finding alternatives to windows. According to sources, 1020 Collective in downtown Erie is trying to decide if it is worth paying staff to pick up glass off the floor, or simply replace their windows with bricks that can collapse on people when they try to vandalize the property. The dilemma came about after a window unexpectedly separated itself from the building. According to sources, it did receive some as

Science

Western Pennsylvania Sees First Case of Tooth Decay After Unexpected Dentist Retirement

The City of Franklin is observing its first, in what experts predict becoming a strain of oral disease. According to sources, the unexpected retirement of a 37-year veteran in dental work is already resulting in the outbreak of dental sickness, with one case reported so far. Oral decay is not uncommon to the Western Pennsylvania region, as many individuals are known to neglect their oral hygiene. What makes this particular case unique is that it may be contagious, with expert

Venango VASA Program Launches Mortimus II After Blunders Drops First Ship In the River

Oil City residents woke to the sound of a rocket being launched in the air. The scientist responsible for tossing it, VASA astronomer Kneel Legweak, propelled the miniature shuttle into the sky for Venango's second trip to the Moon. Unlike the last trip taken in December, reports say that this shuttle will not be landing, but instead will naturally turn back towards the Earth after making a full circle around the mass they hung in the tree above them. President Mayor Blunders

Study: Faking Stupidity Doesn't Change Reality

A recent study finds that pretending to be stupid does not change when somebody is wrong. According to research from the University of Common Sense, pretending not to understand objective reasoning does not make a person right when they are clearly incorrect. Researchers performed a controlled study by locking several dogmatic pricks in a room. The stubborn rigidity of each individual was put to the test when they were forced to face the reality of prior mistakes that impacte

Our Sponsors